birthday party

 birthday party!!!

i never leave my house if i feel boring i bed rot until social inspiration bounces
to me like spring

i justify being anywhere for free i hate when people can see the vapid of me
when i stutter, a loss of anything i dont present myself the appropriate way

i try to stay hidden until i am perfect so outside air can help me grow but
social life is a jail and i go out and misrepresent how im portrayed.

i become funny affluent with conversations but always bad at one on ones i enjoy to speak to groups
elation dedication to continue something comedic to half strangers and an almost friend
to disappear for weeks after i hope they left hungry with a nice memory of who i framed
myself to have been that night, it helps me go to bed happy almost but always ugly

one day there will be consistence when and if i shake loves leg braces
tied to benches
where i wait for someone alone tied sadly to another who takes away
my blood my brine everything that reaches my mind i am basic you steal my sunshine

brains dont work when jealousy is present and knees cant bend when
no one can admit we are all in the same position

i never wanna love again. its a birthday wish!!! regrets i shoulda wished
before i knew all this. theres been so many none of them tragedy, i dont understand
the grey towards the concept. sex with love is better than sex with lust i cant be satisfied
without the combo of the two its a hollow desire a hollow match something that brings guilt when your eyes peer threw window blinds to a cat that youve never touched someone loves that animal
and il never remember the beauty between that night, or if either of us did. more often than not
i regret it ever happened. guilt is why my body grows wrong
guilt is why i have different sizes for each boot

pleasure makes songs sorrow, it doesnt make sense to have such revile for yourself
as someone smiles warm and holds, surround sound betrayal towards a king or queen that
doesnt rule anymore yet i wish and i hide i wont allow myself to think thoughts of love
that concept isnt for everyone. let it bypass me i am a body unfit for the songs of the birds the bees the ocean and the trees.