My fave thing in the world the most consistent girl because alcohol is a women has turned on me!!!!!! This entity I gave my life to has made me jaded and a huma eyeroll. I saw someone get hit by a car again I am a magnet for car crash witness I was shocked autopilot I ran up to his crushed legs he waved me away as if everything and everyone was okay, the person that hit him came out and they finessed it together and I went on my way. I ate ramen alone minutes after that’s why I was walking towards that horrible place on 4th and 1st but I love it because they never close and that old man is kute and kind and it’s usually me and no conversation had ever happened. Tonight I was with close friends old friends not the new people that moved to New York that I justify not talking to u see the guise that I’m shy or that they are dry true deep friends and I still sat with all my comedy rotted away with nothing to say. What will invigorate me to be the person I was the vibrant bubble I feel was buried long ago or is this me now the shell of someone I once was. Artistically I am the best I ever have been attention wise even when I should be proud though I go and drink alone. The paranoias have made me a closed envelope the most weak paper, easily opened if someone tried to pry or ask. My brain chemistry navigates to threats then I do my favorite thing alone consume and consume. Conversing and consuming held hands when I was wired right something is wrong I end up alone and I hate being alone. There is no calmness or stillness in alone. My fave thing turned against me, permanent I think. I’m viewed from afar as boring with no tongue, the same person I once hated for never contributing. Time comes for all of us.
Love
MICHELLE
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